3rd Nephi 14:1-5

1 And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words he turned again to the multitude, and did open his mouth unto them again, saying: Verily, verily, I say unto you, Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye—and behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Hymn # 273 Truth Reflects Upon Our Senses

Once I said unto another,

“In thine eye there is a mote;

If thou art a friend, a brother,

Hold, and let me pull it out.”

But I could not see it fairly,

For my sight was very dim.

When I came to search more clearly,

In mine eye there was a beam.

Judging others is so natural. We don't even realize we are doing it. We are so egocentric that whoever is different is a threat to our own sense of self. So we are easy to criticize - slow to understand.

One area we are really judgmental is with those who are struggling with faith in our own LDS community.  I was at a luncheon with LDS women I know when the conversation led to how our children are doing. The tears began as stories were shared of children leaving the church.  This is the ultimate pain for an LDS parent.

We tend to harshly judge those who leave. We call them apostates, lost, misguided, led astray. With regard to other faiths, we claim to be the "true" Church which in itself is a statement, right? All others are wrong. We politely say "You have much truth. Come see what we can add to it." But we have to tread lightly lest we offend.

What we are reticent to say is that anyone else's choices or their spiritual home is legitimate.

Long ago I had decided to leave my childhood faith and join the LDS church. I am not happy that some of my children have stopped going to the LDS church but I give them the same respect my parents gave me when I made my choice.

A daughter sent me a link to a podcast this week. It is truly the best thing I've heard from any LDS person about spiritual growth and honoring others' paths. The speaker talks about learning to legitimize others questions and helping them to be comfortable with "not knowing". 

"It's not in all one side or and all the other side, and that's, again, standing in the middle of the teeter totter. In some ways, I think that's where God wants us to be because it requires us to flex some muscles. And sometimes in our zeal to say "I know, I know, I know" have we pulled ourselves away from the need to exercise faith? And so, to use our testimonies as a bludgeon or as a club for someone else, no wonder people on the other side want to use their lack of testimony as a club to beat back the opposition. And I think if we can find that middle ground where there is truth and error mingled, where there is strength and weakness in each of us, there is light and darkness that we're trying to navigate. I think if we can develop the core strength to stand in the middle of the teeter-totter that's how we'll strike balance and be able to navigate life."

Giving People the Benefit of Their Doubts by Jared Halverson

He later talks about the development of faith and compares it to the pattern of one moving from the Garden of Eden through The Fall to at last the Atonement or reconciliation with God. He calls these the Pillars of Eternity.

GARDEN - simplicity. Here in Eden everything is beautiful and blissful. No weeds. No problems. "Everything about the church is absolutely perfect."

THE FALL - questions with no answers. You see beauty in what others have.  Here people either look back to Eden with nostalgia or bitterness. "I wish I hadn't read that."  "I should have listened shouldn't have listened to that podcast."  Life is complex and there is anger, and bitterness.

ATONEMENT - higher and holier. Here we live by faith. You know more than you used to. You're learning,  you're growing. You have a little more critical thought. You have more openness.

He was asked by the interviewer, "How does one know when they reach the Atonement stage? "You have charity for everyone in the previous stages", was his answer.

"Those in Eden can't stand those east of them and those east of Eden can't stand those in Eden. Once you get to the Garden of Gethsemane you love everyone, no matter where they happen to be."

I have to look at myself and ask where am I in all of this? How does this apply to my feelings about those of other faiths?  How do I feel about young people who ask really difficult questions?  How do I answer them?  Am I stuck in that middle stage where I am just bitter that life isn't as simple as I thought it should be? As a disciple of Jesus for 76 years now shouldn't I be in that last stage, capable of loving all?

And this certainly applies to all other areas of my life. When do I become capable of that kind of love? When do I stop being angry and allow the Lord to transform me? I really would like to be there.